(((Olive)))) all of what you shared here has "value" and positives for both of you. You have learned you can experience someone caring and supportive and he has learned the same. You both have learned you can love and be loved and that is important to personal growth too, especially for him with his history and his thinking he could not experience a loving relationship as well as a supportive friendship. You both have learned you can have value when it comes to supporting a partner in "healing" as well as being able to have a supportive presence while trying to explore an education towards having a future in terms of a career and working.

I believe you in that your relationship has not been about manipulation and selfishness as well Olive. I think your partner "wants" to be a healer and is not really thinking about being a doctor for status and wealth. I think that his relationship with you helped him to learn an important aspect of "healing" too because he helped YOU heal when you had been compromised by experiencing a trauma and he helped you to feel "safe" to heal and move forward, that is a valuable asset for him to have while he pursues the field of being a "healer". I also have a lot of respect for how even if you part ways with him that you will still love and "care" about him. Unfortunately, for some reason there is this idea that if a couple breaks up for some reason that it means a person is a failure, not good enough and now needs to be ignored and is no longer worthy of caring and friendship. It's a narcissistic message of "well I can't use you so go away" and that message is "wrong" and "unhealthy".

You are his first "love" Olivia and it's understandable that he stresses at the thought of not having you "there" with him while he continues his life journey. I do think he does care that you probably want children and a family someday and he really doesn't want that. It's understandable that he is thinking about his history of health challenges, his history with his own family, as well as how his healing career will most definitely demand a lot of his time. Also, the fact that he is only still half way on his journey towards becoming a doctor, his journey will get more demanding both financially and time wise and he may end up specializing in an area of medicine that is even more demanding of him. These are things you have to consider as well because of how his main pursuit is being a doctor and a healer and he really doesn't see himself doing that and being a family man. There is definitely a very busy life style that comes with being a doctor and practicing medicine. I have met different doctors and they have all talked about how little time they have to spend with their wives and families and they are pretty much married to their career. Also, depending on what area of medicine they pursue, it can get stressful in that they do see a lot of sad and even traumatic things in that field and it can be very sobering and challenging psychologically and emotionally.

For some reason we grow up with this idea that if we meet someone and fall in love that will only happen once, this is simply not true. People often think that if a "love" doesn't turn into a "love for life marriage/partnership" that somehow it's their fault too, again "not true". We can love someone and really care and appreciate that other person even if the relationship doesn't turn into a marriage for life partnership.

You ask "how will I know?", well, the more we live our lives the more we learn and grow and mature Olive and given your age and life experience thus far it's very understandable and actually "normal" that you may really not be ready to commit to an important life choice that involves sacrifices you really don't know if you can commit to right now. This partner is asking you to commit to something you are simply not ready to commit to and it's really ok to tell him this. He is asking you to fit into "his" life and choices and with everything you have shared in this thread, you are simply not ready to make that kind of commitment. You "can" love and deeply care about someone but end up parting because of wanting different life paths. It's really not good to make that commitment when you are just not ready and he will have to understand that.