If it's helpful, I think that your T cares for you a lot. When he feels frustrated it's probably with the illness, like you do as well. You're both on the same team in trying to get the better of the illlness.
My T and I do schema therapy, and we think about the lifetraps in that way. We both agree that they are annoying and frustrating and make my life a lot more difficult. (Not so much any more, thankfully).
I hope you feel better. Anniversaries of deaths are hard