Hello Titati: My personal opinion would be that this is really something you need to be discussing with the mental health professionals in your life. They are the professionals & they know you. We here on PC, for the most part, are not professionals & we do not know you at all... at least not yet.

Since this is your first post, here on PC, welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit. May I suggest you introduce yourself to the general membership over on our New Members Introductions forum? Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/new-...introductions/

PsychCentral is a great place to find information & support for mental health concerns. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more a part of the community you will become. So please keep posting!