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Old Apr 19, 2018, 02:03 PM
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LabRat27 LabRat27 is offline
Poohbah
 
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 1,009
Quote:
Originally Posted by LabRat27 View Post
2 more days.
I'm considering bringing in some photos from my childhood and adolescence to show you feelings and emotions and relationships that are difficult to explain using words. I think it might help you understand better if you could see it.
Would you think that was stupid? Can I trust you with sharing something that means a lot to me, and trust that you won't think it's silly? If I do and it seems like you don't understand or appreciate how meaningful the pictures and the fact that I shared them with you are, I would feel rejected and stupid.
Last week I told you about how my mom was terrible at pretending to be interested in or impressed by the things that were important to me, and that I learned not to show her the things I was proud of or that were meaningful to me because that set me up for disappointment.

I think part of the reason I have this strong desire to bring in pictures that are emotionally significant to me this week is to test that with you. To see whether you will think something is important because it is important to me. To see whether you think it's silly that it's important to me.
I've been considering bringing in pictures for days, but it wasn't until just now, writing out my concerns about your reaction, that I realized how much it's directly related to what I revealed last week. Would you realize that? Would you understand how significant it was for our relationship that I was willing to trust you with this? Would you appreciate that trust? Or would you just be humoring me?
Seeing him tomorrow.
I just ordered the photos (same day pickup) and I think I'm going to bring them in.
I'm just not sure if I'm going to explain this partly being me having subconsciously decided to "test" him and the importance of his response before or after I show him the pictures.
I'll trust his reaction more if I don't tell him until after. But then I'm also setting myself up for disappointment if he doesn't respond the way I want.

I also need to tell him that I lied last week. And I made a promise to myself at the beginning of therapy that I wouldn't lie.
Hugs from:
Anastasia~, Anonymous52723, LonesomeTonight, lucozader
Thanks for this!
Anonymous45127