Hi Sunny!

Here is one area that I have some difficulty using CBT. I have asked my T this too.

When looking for evidence to support or not support a 'hot thought' which it sounds like to me, the hot thought being how you feel about yourself as a result of Mr. Idiot's behavior.

What can we possibly say to ourselves that will make any difference to us.

His suggestion was to write about whether or not you can change the problem and if you can't then we chalk it up to accepting what we cannot control for our sake and not theirs.

If you can change it by doing something different such as talking with this person or killing them with kindness (not literally of course!) then do so for your sake and not his.

For example, this week, we lost about three friends in our neighborhood over a stupid argument about whether or not to improve our subdivision with the addition some recreational stuff. My hot thought is I feel like I failed my son somehow because now all of these people are not coming to his birthday party on Saturday. These were 'friends' of ours and I use the term lightly. My three year old suffers in the end and what a shame that is.

My negative self talk is why can't I just go along with the crowd sometimes for my son's sake...then I realized I am not doing him any favors by going against what I believe in just to fit in.

That was my response to my feeling of failure and it did make a difference for me. I am not the failure, I am a good friend to all of them and would never wreck the friendship over how they voted. I accept their right to think for themselves and I'm sorry they can't do the same for me.

See if my example helps you somehow. I would definitely talk about this with your T...good luck