I was hospitalized 6 times in two years so I took a lot of time off of work. I have been back now for 7 months. Things have just been terrible. The last 18 months I was dealing with a manager that I worked well with for a decade and all the sudden he trashed me on two reviews and I ended up not getting a raise because of him. They wouldn’t even allow me to contest anything he said. So about 2 months ago I had enough and had to leave his projects. But my two bosses always believed him over me even when I had proof in writing that I was correct.

So everything has been stressful because I need to find projects to work on or I will lose my job. I just got yelled at today from my old boss because when starting a project I was checking my phone when emails came in because I was waiting for one that needed a quick reply. I only check when nothing was going on or I wasn’t needed. She said I looked disinterested and made a bad impression. Although I did everything they asked and even made suggestions for improvements. If I wasn’t paying attention how could I have done that.

I am told I have to make more decisions and recommendations. But when I do I am either ignored or told to be quiet because I stepped on someone’s ego. PhDs are so sensitive.

So now I have insomnia and crashing into depression. It has become obvious that I am not wanted. They know I have enough evidence of bullying and harassment so I don’t think they will fire me. I just think their plan is to make me miserable enough that I leave.

I just don’t know what to do without going off the handle.