Hey everyone,

Over three years ago I went through a horrible set of circumstances in the healthcare system. I was traumatized by unethical and corrupt healthcare professionals. For the next three years I would seek out help from the same industry despite being very fearful and traumatized. I was retraumatized by every individual therapist I had seen long term. They had brutalized me...

I can see a pattern here. What is it, and why is it happening? The answer is very complex and I did nothing to deserve this treatment, however, I wondered if there was something else going on... Something subconscious. Despite being scared of therapy and the healthcare system, I was drawn to go back. Something kept bringing me back and it wasn't just because I was wanting to heal...

Then I read something about the, "repetition compulsion."

Found here:

https://www.themeadows.com/blog/item...th-of-bullying

Quote:

Part of Complex PTSD is what therapists call “repetition compulsion.” In his book The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitative Relationships, Patrick Carnes writes, “In part, trauma repetition is an effort by the victim to bring resolution to the traumatic memory. By repeating the experience, the victim tries anew to figure out a way to respond in order to eliminate the fear. Instead, the victim simply deepens the traumatic wound.” It goes without saying that the number of traumas one experiences simultaneously will factor into the strength of the trauma repetition cycle. Traumas compounded with other traumas will increase the overall risk for trauma repetition in adulthood. It is no surprise that a study showed that children who are both mistreated at home and by their peers are more likely than children only mistreated at home to show significant mental health problems later in life. Due to the immense impact of these traumas as well as the emotional and psychological warfare that often accompanies bullying, survivors become conditioned to engage in negative self-talk, blame themselves for the abuse they’ve suffered and continue to the vicious cycle of abuse. They may struggle with a shame that should belong to their perpetrators and develop maladaptive ways of coping. These maladaptive mechanisms are attempts to survive unbearable, overwhelming lifelong trauma through destructive means that inevitably reenact and reinforce the trauma.

Can anyone else relate to this!?

Thanks,
HD7970ghz