Something therapy has made me really aware of is the difference between trusting someone versus opening up to someone.

I had always believed these to be one in the same, with my previous failures in therapy being due to my inability to trust those therapists. While the latter may very well have been the case, I do trust my current therapist yet I am finding it no easier to open up to them than any of the others.

As a child I moved around a lot so I never had the opportunity to establish deep friendships, and the one person in the world who I was closest to betrayed me in the worst way possible before I had even reached my teens. I have also shunned any and all romantic type relationships, so I've never let myself be emotionally vulnerable that way.

This is proving to be a major obstacle in my therapy since I can no longer claim it's because I don't trust my therapist. It has forced me to acknowledge that I literally don't know how to open up. It is something that is completely alien to me. Attempts to try to speak openly create a sensation as though I'm being physically prevented from doing so. Almost like there is something inside me reaching up to yank back the words before they can escape from my lips. I'm hoping that I just need to continue trying, and that in time I will be able to get past that.

With that said, how long did it take all of you to open up in therapy? Or are you still struggling to get to the point where you can?