Previously, the only thing that really keeps me alive is the thought that all the pain and emptiness I carry will become the burden of someone I love.

And this is still the primary means I have.

The other thing is I have tried to stop thinking existentially and have moved on to thinking, or adopting, a stoic approach to life. That is, accepting my narrator is broken and the world or my feelings about the world are separate things. And while I might have little or no control about the world, I do have absolute control over how I react to the world.

So I look at the problem directly in front of me and focus more on methodology. What needs to be done, rather than what I can't do.

I'm not very good at it. But, yah. It's a hard burden. Everything helps.