I couldn’t tell ya, I do the same. For sure it’s due to my low self esteem, self loathing, lack of confidence, fear of people, I still it today...especially when I’m in a group of people.

In a meeting, my mind is in high alert, blood pressure increases, I stutter, mind is a blank, sweating, mind spinning, hold my breath, eyes bulging from pressure, the silence is deafening, voice wavers, heart pounding, intense pressure in my head as I try to climb out the back of it...all short of passing out.

I attribute all this to anxiety leading to a panic attack.

When I dissociate, I don’t experience such symptoms. I simply freeze, daze out, vision splits, go to the back of my head because I’m confused of what to do (especially in confrontations) then the Others go “oh my what do we do?” then an alter will step up and take over to continue.

My dissociation tends to lead to a switch.

For the anxiety/panic...I try slow deep breathing, distraction, a little mindfulness and calm meditation, and focusing on an object trying to stay out of my head instead of focusing on my fears and immediate state mental/physical state. I think that I’m panicking because I am panicking on panicking, forseeing an emotional breakdown...so I stay away from focusing on the panic.

It takes practice, but since you can identify a problem...you can work on it. Good luck.