Thanks for your support Nammu.I am starting to recover from the ordeal of the f2f assessment today.I think the worst thing was the assessor seemed to me to be a bit of a sociopath.She was nasty pretending to be nice and made out I would get an award but I think she will do all she can to fail me.Why I think that is because when she found out that I owned my house without a mortgage she looked at me with sheer hatred for a few seconds,went wheww right and had this look on her her face like she was saying right I am going to get you failed now.She also seemed dead jealous,so I think she will bring her personal feeling in to it and try to fail me.

If they fail me I will lose £300 a month and on top of that £62 a week off other benefits which is my severe disablement premium.I won't have enough for food and bills let alone to pay off my debts which are substantial.I will go to Mandatory Reconsideration and if that fails go to tribunal,before the court and a judges panel.I have to stop worrying and get strong physically and mentally so that I can take them on.I get so afraid is all and the worry ,anxiety combined with physical illness and mental anguish make me so exhausted and unable to go on at times,I fear they will cause me another psychosis in the end cause the stress and worry is too much to bear.

Even if they give me an award it might only be for three years and they will review it and make me go through the form filling and another assessment,it is cruel to make a mentally ill disabled person have to prove they can't work and look after ourselves over and over again and threaten to stop their money.We are being treated like liars and criminals wanting to cheat the system,it is fascistic the way the system treats us,it isn't a benefits system it is a punitive regime they are putting us through.

I am sorry to whine and complain,it is so hard,it helps to have this forum to rant on and get the pain out and write it down so I am not focusing and dwelling with the pain and anxiety alone.