Hi Brownmike,
You aren’t alone. I’ve been averaging 7 jobs a year for several years now. I don’t have a problem getting hired, but the anxiety before going to work, usually ends in me quitting before I’ve gotten started or soon after.
I also lost my mom at age 2 and spent my teenage years moving in with different family members. My dad was alive, and remarried to my new mom, but they fought and separated so often. Finally, they divorced when I was about 15. He later took his own life when I was about 30.
I’m about to make a move out west, and hoping I can make a fresh start. The last 10 years have been very problematic with job stability. I think it turned into a habit. I started accepting any job that I was offered and then realized I couldn’t or didn’t want to do that type of work. Or the schedule interfered with my children’s activities or the care I was giving my (step)mom. I got really good at finding reasons I couldn’t do the job.
I’m supposed to start a temp job next week and I’m starting to feel the doubt in my mind about being able to handle it. I think it’s definitely a self esteem issue on my end, along with social anxiety and agoraphobia.
I’m in therapy but I really get nowhere with it. I was on antidepressants, but drinking alcohol with them got me in a bad place. I started using alcohol to medicate when I was about 14. And been on and off with drinking over the years.
Guess I’m just blabbing on because I finally found someone with a similar job experience!
Just keep going until you find your place. There will be again.
Xo
Sans