Hi everyone;

I seem to have completely run out of patience and trust with the medical community and I don't know if this is fixable. Have an MRI

Scheduled today but there is no way. Shoot me full of contrasting

poison, then put me into a metal tube that sounds like an earthquake.

I don't think so. This is the same hospital that prescribed a class two

narcotic for my DID. My alters went on holiday! Chaos ensued. They did

not catch it for two years. (I am trying to omit the darkest details).

Finally got a doc that changed all my meds, saved my life and told me

to stop drinking. So the gang can't come out and I haven't lost any time

or discovered any strange journal entries in sixteen months.

I have only been out of the hospital for four weeks. Three heart attacks,

four stents and twelve days hooked up to five I Vs. They hurt me so

much. This same hospital has abused, neglected, misdiagnosed and

tried experimental drugs on me. My T is not knowledgeable about my

disorder. And the pharmacy gave me two kinds of blood thinners. They

just keep trying to kill me and by now I'm terrified to even walk in the

place. Running out of meds but afraid to go get refills.

And I can't go anywhere else. It's a military hospital.

Even though my bad alter can't come out, I know she is aware and I am

afraid the next time someone hurts me or does something incredibly

stupid, she will try to hurt them back.

Not sure how to handle this, since I am basically on my own. I've been

doing really well the past sixteen months but this feels like a set back.

There is no one else I can talk to about this but thought some of you

might understand. The stress is too much. Thanks for listening.

Flower