Well... first off... congratulations on becoming involved in this! From what you wrote, it sounds to me as though there are two issues here. You didn't mention how long you've been a member of this group. But my impression is that it's not that long. From my perspective, I think you may simply be hoping for too much too soon as far as fitting into the group goes. As you mentioned, some of the members have been with the NGO since 2007. It takes time to become "integrated" into an established group. My thinking would be that you probably just need to hang in there. And over time, if you're active, you too can become an important member.

It's really very similar to being here on PsychCentral. If a member just posts a thread once in a while, but seldom or never replies to anyone else's posts, they're going to be largely ignored. But if a member posts their own threads regularly, & especially if they reply to lots of other members' posts, pretty-soon they become an important member of the PsychCentral community!

Now the other issue you brought up was that you "freeze up" & your mind goes blank when you're under stress in other day-to-day conditions. While I'm certainly no expert, with regard to this, it is an experience I have struggled with too over the years. And I believe it is basically something that is caused by anxiety. So I would suggest that if you can do some things to address you anxiety, you may find that your tendency to freeze up & go blank may lessen a bit. It may not go away completely. That may just not be realistic. (It hasn't been for me.) But it can, perhaps, be lessened so that it is not as big a concern for you day-to-day.

Here are links to some articles, from PsychCentral's archives, on the subject of how to work with anxiety:

https://psychcentral.com/lib/9-ways-...ere-right-now/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/11-tip...anage-anxiety/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/15-smal...iety-symptoms/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/6-ways-...ocial-anxiety/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-wr...-life-anxiety/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/top-10-...s-for-anxiety/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-me...helps-anxiety/