I was completely disconnected today at work and I think it was the depersonalization about which you spoke. I noticed that even when I was talking to people, that I still felt the same way. I noticed that I was also experiencing a total absence of motivation like I have told you about. This is why I have talked in the past about the time going by second by second. It's maddening. I want to talk about how I make it through these times and if there is something I can do. Like I said, interacting with others didn't make it better nor worse.

I am feeling powerless and am going to address that in regards to my insecurities and in regard to me being dependent upon you and texting you. I know I decided a long time ago not to text you, and then went back to texting you, but I am at that crossroads again.

I think I am absorbed in my thoughts a lot of the time and it is scaring me. I want to continue to work on things I have brought up with you lately. I'm at a point where I am in a better place with the person we spoke about. We are communicating and working things out although it will take time. But things are good and there is hope.

The thing that I am most intolerant of and in need of finding a way to fix this, is my absence of motivation. It makes me feel like I've been exsanguinated and that getting anything done is hopeless or excruciatingly painful on a second by second basis. This state, or whatever it is, is very disturbing to me and gets in the way of any productivity I might have. I worry that this is not fixable, but I hope that it is.