I suffer from great amounts of stress. It was so intensive when I was attempting to sleep, I just can't
I suffer from too many things, too many issues to ever have a meaningful life
There is only one therapist I met who brings me hope, but she only did my intake
I really don't mind dying in peace. I know my condition is harsh and I know there's no point in pushing forward. To attempt further means going against a wall
That stress was so painful it consumed me whole. It is too much to bear
Moving out stresses me allot. Also, family dynamics which put me down, particularly my mother
I am in a lose-lose in all directions
The thing to put me down the most is how much people discouraged my love for the crush I had - that put me down ALLOT

I only wanted her to see there is no harm intended. Like the Beauty and the Beast, while I can be like a beast at times, I really want to learn
But sometimes I wonder who really was the beast here - me or her. When I think it's her, I feel very stressed. But when I think it's about me, I feel much better. It's because I really care about her. I know there's a tiny little heart there. I saw some of her introverted smiles.

Crush my hope and you will only bring me further down into the pits of hell, mark my words

I do know she has a heart there. I may have ASD and some tiny "holes" in figuring out signs, but I have a gift regarding relationships with specific women. I can tap into their hearts, happened a few times
And I know another thing - she LOVED that feeling, despite showing discomfort
Despite her usual cold personality she was TRYING to reach out to me, like a dark angel trying to give a bit of light. It's like a light covered in shadows, nothing but a mask or a mirror

I sense nothing but dark energies from her

I know I am speaking mixed up about her. That is exactly the problem with her. Most people would tell me to move on, but what then? Just get hurt and accept the pain? I'm not going to live life for that
I want to live life to FIGHT what is WRONG!!

That's it, I am done venting. I hope someone can help my stress
Even if the crush's love wasn't real, I want to hold into faith that mimicking love with charm and other tools tells something about what she deep down seeks

I am so disappointed I have some misspellings here at times. I sometimes notice it happens when I go through my text
Just wish I could be laid to rest peacefully without fighting for it

A valuable relationship is my only hope, I dreamed of making a platinum ring for marriage rather than gold, to symbolize how much we'd (whoever it may be) value our relationship