What keeps me alive is: Awe and curiosity.

Maybe try some volunteer work. Or anything constructive for ANOTHER person. I find it helps alleviate some of my suffering when I can help someone else. For example, teens or children suffering with depression. You would have valuable experience and advice to give on how to deal, cope, and get through bad days, and it would make you feel useful.

Everyone has use and worth and value, even if you can't see it right now through the rancid water. Going through loss, doesn't mean things will always suck.

Don't forget "Strong is fighting, it's hard and painful and it's every day".

You are strong.