Quote:
Originally Posted by Olive303
My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. I want kids, he doesn't.
We have talked about our future in depth. At first I was barley an adult and didn't know what I wanted. But as our relationship has progressed and I am growing up I realized that YES I do want kids.
He has never been keen on the idea. At first he said he didn't want them because of health issues he didn't want to pass down. Then we agreed to adopt or just have 1 kid. He has gone back and forth since and now he said that he 100% does not and will not want kids.
We are at the point where either I agree to give up on my idea of being a mother, or we part ways.
I know that he is the love of my life and I do not want to be with anyone else. I can't imagine a life without him in it. I can't imagine being with anyone else. I do not love easily and may not find anyone I want kids with. I know that he will always have part of my heart so it seems unfair to be with someone else.
However, I try to imagine a childless life and it just feels a bit empty. He said that he knows I will feel sad and regretful of not having kids- I agree. But I will feel sad and regretful if we broke up.
I know we can have a nice life together but I am very prone to loneliness and I like the idea of filling my life with family.
Has anyone been through this who has any words of wisdom for me?
Has anyone had kids and regretted it or not had kids and regretted it? Or not had kids and lived a very fulfilled life?
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I know you may love him but if you truly deeply want kids I don't think you should settle for less than you deserve. One day you will carry a resentment whether you mean to or not because there will likely be a void inside of you that no one can fill when you want a child so deeply. It's not easy coming from a single mom of 3 who's kids fight all the time but that's what they do. It's the hardest job in the world. But I would never go back & My life would b empty without them. If u have a therapist I'd see if they can help u figure out and work out if kids are a dream you are willing to give up. As women who suffer with esteem issues & wrap their lives around & based on their men sometimes we put them first not realizing we lose our own identities. You deserve your dreams. I'm not doubting your love. But I thought I loved my ex husband more than anything diff situation (he was abusive) but when I left finally I realized it was cuz I built my identity around him & cuz of my esteem issues as well. You so deserve to have everything you want & I think it's selfish & cold that he'd just pull the rug out from under u after agreeing to 1 kid or adoption. He's a DREAMCRUSHER & seems to like control. No disrespect in anyway.