Sweetie. It's going to be ok. I know all too well how ED's are addiciting and make you feel horrible one day and good the next. It's a very odd disease but you know what, you can be cured! I got to a point where I didn't want to be cured, I wanted the ED to eventually just take me but then I realized that there is a lot more to life than my current problems. We can change our lives how ever we want. Don't you want to win or do you want to be defeated? Trust me, winning feels awesome. I wish I could just hug you right now cause I understand.