saw a show last night that struck me hard

I'm thinking a lot about my CSA today

looking at how I just ultimately cope w it all

drugs.. Ed... psychosis...

I want to be healthy an free

but I'm scared.... I'm 31 years old. 31 years of this

can it change. maybe... probably. I'm just scared tho

I don't know what I want and I don't understand myself most of the time

I feel confused n sad. lost. and just.. apathetic