Thank you all. The responses are so diverse and so thought-provoking.
Perna, I am trying to think of past instances of people going behind my back but am not sure I strongly remember any. The feeling I get when I hear the team has been talking crap about me behind my back is one of unfairness and helplessness. I feel like I am being infantilized, like the "elders" are discussing what is best for little sunny (nice pat on head). I feel they are saying stuff that is not true and that I have no opportunity to defend. Or they won't answer my questions straight out. I want things to be more direct and straightforward, for people to talk openly to each other. I don't get why that would be harmful.
Pachyderm, I have tried to avoid dealing with this guy and had some success. I have tried to stuff the out-of-whack reaction deep inside me and not deal with it, but then something like this happens and it comes exploding out again. And I can't avoid dealing with this person 100% of the time. And I'm wondering if that is any kind of decent solution anyway (repressing).
mckell, I loved your response. We can be two insane people together!

Because that is how I feel when I shoot from 0 to 100 on the explosion scale in an instant. Where is this coming from? I read a poem from Rumi once that made me feel better about that, like this is normal behavior to be so volatile. Maybe I need to reread that to calm myself. I think you are right about my anger not being gone over this. And this dude I do not get along with is bearing the brunt of my reactions. I totally recognize this but don't know how to stop it. I don't want to dump on my lawyer as she is supposed to be on my team, and I have dumped on her before and I felt bad for that. I have wanted to dump on opposing counsel at least once, but refrained. So Mr. Idiot seems relatively "safe" as a target of all my frustration with the process, talking behind my back, etc. But I need to get along with this guy! He can make me lose a lot of money through his lack of good advice or financial misguidance. I hated writing that check to him the other day. I felt like WTF, you are no value to me at all, I can't stand you, you don't deserve my money. Grrrrrrr.
almeda, interesting what you wrote about CBT. I don't really use CBT so I am no expert, lol. But I thought maybe it would help me get through this since I am not handling it well using my own rather pathetic techniques. I actually would love to talk to Mr. Idiot and resolve our issues between us. I think this would help so much. But we seem not to be allowed to talk to each other. He has suggested it is unethical. Harrumpf! That ethics comment did nothing to endear him to me. Yes, his behavior may be outside of the scope of my control, but that doesn't help me cope at all. I tried letting it go for a while, now here it is again. All this stuff didn't disappear, just went inside me again until I was triggered and out it came again. Repression solved nothing for me.
Yes, I am going to talk to T about this today. But I can't talk to him unless he agrees our conversation will be confidential. And I'm not sure he will agree to that. I'll ask him right at the beginning of the session. If he says no, then I won't be able to speak to him on this. We'll have to talk about something else. But if that happens I know I'll sit there feeling awful he can't guarantee me confidentiality for even one session. Probably best just to leave if that happens, for what can we get done with that hanging over us? So I hope he responds favorably to the request for confidentiality. I want to give him the triggering email and go over it with him and talk about why it was so triggering. Maybe I also want T to give me a smack upside the head and tell me I'm being totally unreasonable. I would accept this from him.