Yes, summon up all your strength and do what you need to do to start those meds again please, cryingontheinside. I went through a similar very dark patch for one year when I came off meds, so I decided to go back on them. And maybe because I'd just been through hell but after going back on meds I could really tell the difference, and I'm still on them. I still struggle by anyone else's standards, but by my standards I feel a sense of relief and hope. I can even laugh at times. You can do it. Going outside is hard but go through the pain, you'll be home in no time and just keep fighting cryingontheinside until you begin to feel better. And you will.