Just wanted to kind of share my thoughts about something I realized lately.

So I knew that all along my T and I have been doing DBT mixed with CBT, and we had briefly discussed doing schema work in our therapy. Now, the thing about my T is that she has a very unconventional style to her, but it works. She is far from gentle with me, she doesn’t filter what she says, and sometimes she straight up yells at me. Now...that may seem terrifying to the outsider. If someone had told me a year ago that this would work for me, I’d have thought they were crazier than I am...
But so on Friday, oh boy, stuff went down...So I had been doing pretty remarkably well for awhile now, and T was very pleased with me. Constantly telling me how proud of me she was. But then life got really stressful (see my post about complicated issues with the urine drug screens...that was only one of many things compiling). I was handling it well, and then all of the sudden on Thursday and Friday, I had a complete meltdown and really failed with using skills. I called T on Friday and she and I were both getting very frustrated with each other, and she said we were done talking. Well...I was feeling like a child inside...so that kinda came out. I started basically screaming and crying and begging her to please talk to me more later. She said okay, I could have a few minutes with her later. I’m in a treatment program, so I decided to go into the place and just go see her in person. I knew very well what I was about to walk into...I knew I was in for it/that I was in trouble for how I acted. I sat down, she said “we have 15 minutes, I’m not giving you any more time.” (trying to set limits/boundaries with me...) Then I started to talk and we exchanged some words and then it started...she started yelling at me...like really bad. Probably the worst she ever has. And at first I started trying to fight her, then I cried, and then I just sat there and took it because I realized I deserved it. She didn’t just leave it at that, though, thank god. T and I talked through things and what was going on with me and blah blah until I felt better/safe/like I wasn’t going to self-harm when I left. She also ended up spending about 45 minutes with me.
So as I was reflecting on this during the weekend, I was realizing that we’ve definitely developed this parent/child dynamic that goes beyond just my maternal transference for her. It’s real. She treats me like her kid in a lot of ways (even though she’s only 13 years older than me). This exchange actually even happened on Friday:
Me: “Yeah...I didn’t cut...but I did freak out and punch myself.”
T: “I know. I noticed the bruises on your arm...”
*I shrink back in my seat*
T: *looks at me straight in the eyes* “Knock it off. I mean it. Just like I would tell my kids, knock it off.”
When I left her office, I felt like a child that had just been punished, honestly. Wiping tears off of my face, sniffling, and all...But I also left with a sense of satisfaction that she had really helped me get out of crisis mode and a sense that she deeply cares about me. She has straight up told me when she has yelled at me before that it’s only because she cares about me and wants the best for me.
So then I started googling. I googled what reparenting in therapy looks like. And wouldn’t you know it...limited reparenting is a part of schema focused therapy for BPD. I was not aware. And I swear, reading articles on that topic was like reading an account of my therapy. I had no idea that she was doing that with me all along. The whole thing, including the getting me to form a secure attachment, the joking and playful part (we love to mess with each other during groups at program...), the empathic confrontation, and especially the firmness. I did remember her once saying that I had to learn to reparent myself because I didn’t get what I needed growing up, but now I realize that happens through her, on a limited level, reparenting me and modeling how I reparent myself/what healthy adult mode is like. It was kinda really cool to come to the realization that this is the technique she’s using. The idea of her reparenting me makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, too, because I have that good deal of maternal transference going on there...

Anyway, I’d be curious to hear any thoughts/experiences regarding this, the topic of reparenting, schema focused therapy, etc, etc...