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Originally Posted by seesaw
I totally validate your feelings, Starrysky!
I have had a neighbor once refer to me as "kid" or "kiddo" and it was entirely to denigrate me. He was threatened by me because I had income and education in my mid-30s, and he was in his mid-50s, was a raging alcoholic, taking care of (or abusing, if you ask me) his dying mother, and hadn't held down a job in a decade, and couldn't hold one down before that either.
He would do light housekeeping for my other neighbor who I would have coffee with every morning, to earn a few dollars, and he would call me "kid," to which I would tell him not to call me that. I was not his friend, I did not have any relationship with him, and I was disgusted with how he would hit his poor, dying mother (dying of cancer).
The only time someone has called me "kid" and it hasn't been offensive was when I was dating my boyfriend who was 16 years older than me and we would jokingly call each other "old man" and "kid." But obviously we were very close and intimate, so it was lighthearted joking.
I say "I love you" to friends, but it sounds like he is not a close friend. If it makes you uncomfortable, then it makes you uncomfortable. You don't have to change your feelings. Feelings aren't wrong. They are just feelings.
It sounds like your mother just blew you off when you needed someone to talk to about it. I'm sorry she can't be there for you. I think, maybe, it's something you are going to have to expect with her, that she simply cannot validate you or give you the support you need.
Your feelings are valid though. I think, like me, there must be something about you that makes people think they can be very friendly or overly familiar with you when they don't really know you. I don't know if I have just an overly friendly face or something...
PM if me you need to. I'm here.  
Seesaw |
Hey Seesaw. Thanks.
Yes, ok so I can relate to what you're saying, because when I worked at a library right after college, some of my coworkers started calling me a variation of my name that was silly sounding, but I didn't like it. I was so shy and let it slide for a few months before I said "please don't call me that." Which I felt was so hard to say. They did stop though. Another time, recently, this guy who is a client like I am at my therapists office, called me "sweetheart," and "honey," things like that. I corrected him before. He "Forgot" sometimes, and I started avoiding him and eye contact, etc. so he wouldn't talk to me anymore. Anyway, I am just saying that I can relate to really disliking a name someone gives you. I think it's kind of presumptuous to call someone a certain name, even a nickname, if they haven't given you permission. It's a boundary violation and completely disrespectful if they keep doing it. I'm sorry that guy called you kiddo. It sounds like from what you say, that he was a jerk anyway.
I'm not sure where I stand on being called that, to be honest. It feels endearing but at the same time, belittling.
I call my little 7 year old cousin "kid," sometimes, and it feels endearing, to me, but maybe I should stop. She's never corrected me, except once when I called her "honey," and she said "don't call me names." Lol... It's just got me thinking now.
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I think, maybe, it's something you are going to have to expect with her, that she simply cannot validate you or give you the support you need.
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Thank you so so much for saying this. Yes, I know. It helps to rehear it though from someone else. It's something I'm going to have to lovingly drill into myself. I don't want to hold it against her, because I think she cares. In her own way. Thank you.
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Your feelings are valid though.
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Thank you.
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I think, like me, there must be something about you that makes people think they can be very friendly or overly familiar with you when they don't really know you. I don't know if I have just an overly friendly face or something...
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Hehe, I don't know. I think sometimes people are just weird. O_o I run into all sorts of different types of people sometimes.
I don't see neighbor guy as a threat. Just so people know. I think maybe he...maybe he doesn't have good social skills or something? I don't know. I won't diagnose or assume. I just am not scared. Was just taken aback today lol.
Thanks Seesaw
