starrysky, when it comes to reading books about boundaries and neglect, it's important to consider how often a parent's responses and behaviors are not intentional. Often what a mother/parent "thinks" good parenting is about is actually telling a child "not" to feel and to show the child how they themselves refuse to be upset. Parents can chant "don't cry, don't be angry, don't let that bother you, ignore it and "just" without really realizing that a child really has to be allowed to feel their feelings, that the parent's nurturing actually includes helping a child sit with their feelings, acknowledge what these feelings mean, as well as have comfort to do just that. This is part of what leads to how so many don't really KNOW how to sit with and comfort a friend as they sort through challenging feelings or when they see someone upset. So, your mother doesn't sit with you and actually "listen" and consider "your" feelings and as you mentioned, this is an ongoing challenge you have with her. Unfortunately, this is one of the big reasons people get so they need "therapy" and a therapist's training is about how to sit with a patient while that patient sorts through what could be YEARS of stuffed and unresolved "feelings". Sadly, many people who reach out for therapy actually talk about feeling ashamed of their feelings and fear being judged badly by the therapist.

Your neighbor? Well, he probably was just trying to be nice, but he overstepped his boundaries not only being too nice, but also saying things that are truly inappropriate to say to an acquaintance. Actually, being too friendly like that can easily make someone feel uncomfortable in that maybe this guy is a "creep" that can get a lot more friendly than one feels comfortable with. Unfortunately, some people genuinely don't understand that getting to friendly like that is not really respecting another persons social boundaries, it's simply too pushy and suggesting more emotional connect than a person is comfortable having.