Quote:
Originally Posted by ken1538
All that said, I still find Jessica physically attractive and she has some good qualities. She is kind, positive, enthusiastic and intelligent and I like the way she makes me feel when I'm around her. I don't want to obsess over Jessica but I'm afraid that if I don't make some attempt to pursue a relationship with her, I would be letting someone go who could be good for me.
I am looking for some advice about what to do here. How do I stop obessing over Jessica? Should I avoid pursuing a relationship with her because of our age gap. I would only ever ask Jessica out after I was no longer working at our store.
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I can't comment on whether you should pursue a relationship or not, but if you are looking to stop obsessing over her I would point at the short summary of her you had mentioned above. All of those are positives, and you yourself identified that you are idealizing her (as you said, putting her on a pedestal).
As an experiment, think of some political or social topics that you have a firm opinion towards. Now consider the opposite opinion towards those issues - opinions which you would strongly disagree with or perhaps even find offensive. Since you would not know everything about your co-worker, think about how you would feel if you discovered she held the latter set of those opinions.
The point wouldn't be to make yourself dislike her, but rather to force yourself to consider that there may be sides of her that make you go
. Because in all likelihood, there really would be. By making yourself step back to consider that possibility perhaps you can shatter the idealized image, and in doing so maybe you will find yourself obsessing less.
Basically doing the same thing as countering negative self-talk, except in this case you're countering a different kind of thinking.