Thanks everyone. I just... don’t know. I see my pdoc in an hour approximately, and I feel I’ll just be honest more so. I was honest before, as I’m a terrible liar (autism), but I haven’t been telling the whole truth. I shower once a week now. I say I have sleep issues, and now it’s at the point where if I don’t take my sleep meds, I’m up the entire night. I didn’t sleep last night at all. I’ve been up for 23 hours at the moment. And this has been happening more and more often. I don’t clean my apartment when it needs it. Maybe once a month, if I’m lucky. My roommate’s a slob; that hasn’t changed at all though, but now when I don’t sleep it gets real messy. As in the bathroom floor layered with hair. I eat once a day now, and I eat junk food (nothing new). I’m suppose to do a bunch of adult things and I haven’t. Haven’t done taxes. Haven’t book doctor appointments I need. I don’t care about anything, and lie in bed looking at the ceiling. I sat on the shower floor for half an hour doing nothing but think. And I couldn’t get the bath mat down properly nor close the curtains fully, as one side closed would mean the other would open. And I just think of all the crappy people I’ve met, and some of which I will have to move back into again since school is practically done and rent’s expensive. I’m broke, don’t feel love from people, am lonely. This isn’t new though. But my self care sucks and I’ve been assaulted and thought I finally had a friend but when I went over to help her, and when I then became in a bad space, and she knew, she ignored it all. I don’t feel like a friend anymore. And the other friend I had is now dating someone and doesn’t want to hang with me anymore. I’m an outcast. And people say things get better and I wonder when because things have been worse since the start of my life. So I just want relieve, and feel frustrated, and things still feel like a hell hole. Maybe I’m just tired now, although I haven’t felt it. I guess my life matters to basically no one it feels like.