Quote:
Originally Posted by introspectiveme
Why do I focus on the very few people who don’t approve of me even though I invested a lot of time and cared for them deeply. I broke up with a friend who not only ended the friendship but said some horrible things that aren’t true
I have so many other supportive people but I’m always looking for 100% approval. Which is just silly, I’ll end up feeling horrible
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Hmm...well, Introspectiveme, I can only tell you why I was once attracted to the folks who didn't much care for me. Through therapy, I discovered that I was unconsciously attracted to folks who reminded me of people from my past. My father was emotionally unavailable--and I tended to find folks like that. Then I'd work hard to get them to like me, invest in me, see me. It hardly ever ended well. Then I'd get resentful--and it was always painful.
Once I saw my pattern, I watched who I was attracted to... My awareness helped, not that I didn't mess up still, but I could get myself out sooner. I decided I didn't want to repeat the same kind of relationships (dressed in different clothes). I have made HEALTHY my new model of friendship--and I have found relationships that are more mutual and loving. I could only change me--and I did...