Quote:
Originally Posted by TinkModeen
I know you may love him but if you truly deeply want kids I don't think you should settle for less than you deserve. One day you will carry a resentment whether you mean to or not because there will likely be a void inside of you that no one can fill when you want a child so deeply. It's not easy coming from a single mom of 3 who's kids fight all the time but that's what they do. It's the hardest job in the world. But I would never go back & My life would b empty without them. If u have a therapist I'd see if they can help u figure out and work out if kids are a dream you are willing to give up. As women who suffer with esteem issues & wrap their lives around & based on their men sometimes we put them first not realizing we lose our own identities. You deserve your dreams. I'm not doubting your love. But I thought I loved my ex husband more than anything diff situation (he was abusive) but when I left finally I realized it was cuz I built my identity around him & cuz of my esteem issues as well. You so deserve to have everything you want & I think it's selfish & cold that he'd just pull the rug out from under u after agreeing to 1 kid or adoption. He's a DREAMCRUSHER & seems to like control. No disrespect in anyway.
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Thanks for your reply and sharing your personal background. I think a good thing to do would be exploring my reasons behind wanting kids. I have done that somewhat but I never thought about it before recently. I just always thought it was something I would do- ever since I was a kid myself.
You said without kids you would feel feel empty. What was your reason for having them?
What you said about resentment is a big fear of mine. Like you said it’s not about love- we all know that him and I both love each other- but it’s about the void of not having kids. Whose to say I’d have kids even if we did break up?
The part you said about my own dreams and identity stuck out to me. I started dating him so young that I was building my dreams and identity and I still am a lot so it’s hard to do that when you have another person to calculate for. It’s always been very important for me to be my own person before marriage and kids. My mom got married and had her first by the time she was 21 and I always knew I didn’t want to follow that path because I see her pain and regret over missing out on her 20s.
Thanks for reminding me that I deserve to have all my dreams and what I want. I know that all dreams don’t always come true but we can sure try.