Dear Ex-T,
I know you're the one who helped inspire me to pursue the PhD. So you should be someone I'd reach out to, at least to let you know I got the interview. But...our last e-mail exchange was rather painful. Even though I'm pretty sure you'd respond with something like, "That's great, good luck" I can't take the chance of writing you right now. If by some crazy chance I do get accepted, yeah, I'll tell you. But just can't deal with your possible lack of response or a response that will feel lacking right now.

Why was I able to ask T for a transitional object 7 months in, but never felt OK asking you for one? Looking back...I don't think I ever felt quite safe with you. Maybe that's something I need to explore with T. Maybe it's mostly negative maternal transference. But still...it's not like you really tried to work on that with me, even as you knew it was going on...
--LT