So I think I've had this hyperawareness with intrusive thought issue for around 6 years at least, thing is that till 2 years ago I was completely treating it as a normal thing that I've to deal with forever, no matter how much it was hurting my life.
What happened was that at the end of 2016 I think I simply decided that something is wrong with me and I should not have to deal with these thoughts. It gave me kind of relief from the intrusive thoughts from 'knowing' this. So all my 'awareness' and everything I talk about this problem is just said half assedly with the hope that it is a problem. There probably IS something wrong with me, but I'm still stuck in this hopeful/false awareness mode, and I don't have a real/normal awareness of the problem like everyone does. Because of this there is no normal motivation to do things to fix myself. I obviously go to psychaitrists and therapists because I 'know' something is wrong with me, but my motivation is not real. Everything I say is basically made up, maybe to give myself relief from the intrusive thoughts.
I hope that made sense. Anyone experience this ?