So, I feel like I should be brave all the time. But it's not working today. I feel like I'm falling in a hole. I didn't sleep last night or take my meds and the condition of my apartment fills me with loathing. I took the depression test and got a 42. Then realized I have to see my T tomorrow and that is even more depressing because I have to pretend I
don't hate her. It's harder to keep control over my alters around people I
don't like. And it's freaking snowing. I miss the ocean so much.
Incapable of taking a shower or making plans to clean house. And I don't think about the bad thing much anymore. Nothing specific but don't even like having those thoughts in my head. Besides, I have to take care of His Furriness. That keeps me grounded, at least. Do you think quitting smoking is maybe not such a great idea right now? My
DVD is broken and it's messing up my routine big time.
Okay. A solution. What if I wash up and get dressed and walk down to
the 7-11. Get some smokes, and maybe a couple of Crispy Cremes. (My
cat has decided he's jealous of the phone. It's funny.) Then I might be
able to get something accomplished. Just 3 things. I'll let you know if I actually go. I wish I could yank that inner critic out of my head and just
beat the bejesus out of him...