Grew up as scapegoat of narcissistic father and enabling mother. Father absent most of time, mother took out anger on me. Constantly terrified while in home, while presenting appearance of perfect family in public. This dichotomy was incredibly confusing. No physical abuse accept for once, but I'd almost have preferred it to the uncertainty of the psychological harm of neglect, rage, and abuse. Only safe happy memories were being at friends houses, or gone all day playing in the woods.

Created pseudo families with friends. Left home at 18. But was always drawn back to see if I could get that validation/love that I desperately wanted. Always told I was crazy or remembering things wrong if I tried to talk about it. So I would leave again.

This denial of my reality started breaking down my confidence and ability to trust people. I developed anxiety, paranoia and some substance abuse.

I later found out that I have ADHD, and once that was treated most of the symptoms went away. I still have a lot of anger toward my parents, but can let it go now that my mind is cleared. I def still triggered when I'm around narcissistic people and my hypervigilence is still present, but I am working on it.

My biggest concern is relationships. They have all failed because I am terrified and don't trust that someone can love me. Or that they will turn on a dime suddenly. I suppose it all comes down to communication, but the again, I feel like I have this big "broken" sign over my head.

Any tips for managing trust issues, communication when you have ptsd? Especially relating neglect and emotional abuse in childhood.