Carmina,

I have to say I find your writing and struggles very inspiring.

Sometimes I get the idea that I'm the only one having a hard time doing everyday things, like work. Seems everyone can do it without blinking an eye. It is so hard just to get through a day. Perhaps it is hard for you to do this, but please be sure to pat yourself on the back and congratulate yourself for what you have accomplished! Despite the internal sufferings, from the sounds of it, you are functioning very well. In fact, I would say you are functioning more than most of us and in that case I have to say that you are very strong and resilient when faced with stress! I am both inspired and happy to see that you are able to make things work for you! It gives us hope!!

I had two job interviews yesterday for fairly low-paying jobs that I don't necessarily care about. They are laborious and dull jobs that will ultimately allow me to go to school. I was super nervous about them but at some point I was able to remain aware of my anxiety and foolish nervous talk. I realized that both myself and the interviewer were nervous; on some strange level I found this comforting. I think most people are just better at hiding it. For us sensitive types who have lots of triggers and trauma, I think it is harder for us to hide. Ultimately, everyone is struggling with their own junk and traumas. When I can look at the world this way, there is a power in letting go of the concept that we must present ourselves perfectly in all situations. In fact, in some instances where I have shown vulnerability to others, it usually led to a stronger and more genuine relationship. Construction trades are typically very abusive and it can be a harsh environment for us sensitive folk. I have found that being honest and upfront with them can be helpful. I literally tell them I have trauma and that I am recovering and that if I make a mistake, yelling makes things worse. Obviously not every employer is going to facilitate this, but given that everyone has some degree of struggles, if they are the right employer to work for they will not hesitate to offer empathy instead of abuse.

I am so happy that you feel you can communicate with your coworkers! Have they always been supportive to you in the past? Can you remember what situation precipitated your level of trust with that coworker?

Thanks,
HD7970ghz