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Originally Posted by Lonewolf4
Not sure where to begin with this post, as this has been an issue I have personally struggled with for almost as long as I can remember, which I’m sure is similar for some of you.
The main issue is that over the years of my father looking after me (single parent) and due to my mental health and many other issues, I ended up having the mentality of, I was only worthy if my father thought so. Like everyone else’s opinions have very little sway in comparison to my father’s. Even if others have positive things to say, that is all forgotten as soon as my father gets involved and says one negative thing or doesn’t acknowledge a supposed achievement.
Therefore I find that my father supports me very little in the mentality compartment, as he isn’t really a believer of mental health issues. Thus being the main source of why I have never gone out of my way to get diagnosed with anything, due to his claims of “there’s nothing wrong with my child” or “my child is perfectly normal” - being fully aware that the other side of my family suffers with mental health issues and autism. All this becomes a vicious cycle of me trying to prove my self worth and then being worse off afterwards, battling with whatever issue I have and slowly creeping more towards breaking point.
I guess the point of this post is one to rant a little and two to see if any of you can offer advice of trying to stop putting my self worth in others? The main culprit is my father, but I do it with others as well - I want to try to stop doing this as it is becoming quite self-destructive.
Sorry this is my first ever post, so hope it makes sense  |
You just described my relationship with my dad to a T.
The only solution is realizing he will never change. And then deciding if you can live around that and just laugh it off. Or if you need to go blaze your own trail.
I spent years trying to make myself feel complete with girlfriends and success at work, none of it matter. There was always that tug back to him and the need for validation.
Eventually, I had to learn that I could love him, but know that he is utterly full of it most of the time. You don’t have to fall for the sense of learned helplessness. You can go out and be whoever you want. You just gotta let it go and let yourself be angry and sad if your need to.
Part of it is realizing that your dad is just a human man. Not the superhero you thought he was. He’s got the same fears and insecurities you do, he just deals with him in his way. Unfortunately, he probably will never seen how that hurt you.
Good luck man. I feel for you. For some reason, that knife just sticks and won’t come out. It is a trauma, but it can make you stronger.