Quote:
Originally Posted by YoucancallmeFlower
 So true. I've been in control of the others for a little while--become
a clock watcher to make sure there are no 'accidents'. But I only have 16 months of normal after 55 years of chaos.
And the thing is, there is still a lot of division even within the single core.
It worries me, though it is totally normal. Those who are not multiples
display a lot of different personality traits; different moods and frames of mind that swing in a wide arc.
It just doesn't scare them. Scares the hell out of me.
I have to put everything under the microscope, examine every action and reaction to make sure it's not an alter trying to sneak out.
Does anyone else find this exhausting?
I am so impatient. Been out of the hospital five weeks now and it seems like it's taking forever to recover. Frustrating. Slept most of the day today. Just tired or lazy or depressed?
Coming here and meeting some of the other DIDs has helped a lot--
just wish I had their courage. |
“It is what it is” is what we say. For us...we have zero zilch no control over each other regardless how much we would like to believe we did. Sure we can forcefully teeth clenching stay out a day....but the moment we relax....
My biggest test is...would I’ve done that? Answers that are: well maybe, nah, he’ll no, or OMG tells me that it wasn’t me.
Our system has given in...or resigned to the fact that our life is our normal. It’s an eye opening, eyebrow raising, wide eyed gasp, a no way kind of normal.....amazing to the stuff one can get used to.
It’s took a while to get to acceptance which is the key to serenity...only talking for me though, some of the Others still are in denial or flat out disbelieve...sorry, can’t help that.
Why were you in the hospital? I hope you okay now. Anxiety?
I don’t know....but coming to a system wide acknowledgement out of love has greatly relaxed most inner tensions which has given in to passiveness and acceptance...like an atmosphere that even the wildest absorbs that they have to admit is wholesome. How you get there is a personal journey which is done by a therapist. But we smoke tons of weed, drank barrels of alcohol, everything else....but admitting to myself that yes, there are Others and I’m accepting of them has done more for me then anything else. So we had trauma, abuse, blah...but here and now: we be.
I think we commit to small daily goals one day at a time. Get a routine. Go to work, make money, pay bills, eat, and do it again...all for survival.
So we all go to work, do homelife, do shopping...each getting their moment, but ultimately, survival.
Will this work for you? I don’t know...but it works for us.
