Yesterday, I kept busy all day. That made me feel so good and pleased with the things I got done. This morning I woke up extra sore . . . I guess from yesterday's exertions. So I lounged around. That was a bad mistake. I got to thinking about this estrangement and I wound up crying for an hour.

I don't know how people can not know they're being hurtful . . . or not care, if they do know. Also, they know I'm prone to depression - not that I ever expected or got special consideration because of that. It doesn't take much of a gesture to make me very grateful. They know that. But I struggle away very alone.

One minute, I think I should try very hard to repair the breech in relations. Then I think I should give up and let go . . . so I don't keep riding this roller coaster.

A counselor once told me that I idealized the members of my family and think that they will act better than how they do. I keep thinking that they are basically very loving, warm people. That's not the reality . . . just what I wanted to be true.