Quote:
Originally Posted by feralkittymom
The T Tao of Tea. If it could sustain the Empire, therapy should be a piece of cake (preferably with tea.)
My T generally has her coffee--I think she either gets it from the nearby shop or from the business office across the hall--and I bring my own travel cup of tea. But she occasionally brings in a piece of chocolate for herself and offers me one, too. I've never attached any special meaning to it, and I doubt she has, just because she's very down to earth in her personality.
It sounds like your T thinks you keep a bit of distance from your emotions. And your gut level feeling is that she isn't/ won't/can't? hold the depth of your emotions? And some resentment/hurt about that? I guess the challenge is to figure out if it's coming from you or her?
Mine told me she thinks I'm very stoic--that I'm always put together and greet her cheerfully, that I don't whine or complain. I suppose that means most of her clients do? IDK. That's just not my personality. I'm pretty open emotionally if what I'm talking about has strong feelings, but I don't feel conflicted in general. What I talk about and how doesn't really have much to do with her. I think I puzzle her a bit.
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Not to perseverate, but would you attach meaning to it if she brought and ate chocolate in session and never offered you a piece?
I don't know if I'm stoic, but I don't really think unrestrained *****ing is something I want to strive for in my therapeutic relationship. Sometimes I've been surprised when she's asked why I don't just rant. I've said a few times "uh, I kind of thought i just did?" whereupon she's given her impression of what [her idea of] actual ranting would sound like. It actually cracks me up.
The thing is I have people with whom I engage in that kind of thing when I need to. I don't need to use my scarce therapy time/dollars to swear about the things that bug me. Plus I have to be in the mood in that moment, and it's a mood that usually dissipates pretty quickly, so I can't just summon it up when I walk through her door.
It's not a lack of ranting per se that's the issue. It's another kind of emotional freedom or something that I think requires a trust or some depth of connection that isn't yet fully developed.