I thought this morning about what it's like to live with fewer defenses than I used to have, about the cost of defenses in terms of anxiety and PTSD, how it feels freeing to drop the protective armour, to be more myself than I ever have. For many years I lived as if I were under attack, always saw the worst in people and jumped to negative conclusions at the first hint of things not going as expected. Now it's better to see the benign in possibilities and ditch a little of the pessimism and sarcasm.