"I do know she has a heart there. I may have ASD and some tiny "holes" in figuring out signs, but I have a gift regarding relationships with specific women. I can tap into their hearts, happened a few times
And I know another thing - she LOVED that feeling, despite showing discomfort
Despite her usual cold personality she was TRYING to reach out to me, like a dark angel trying to give a bit of light. It's like a light covered in shadows, nothing but a mask or a mirror"

This is incredibly disturbing. It's the type of statement that would have me thinking about a restraining order if I was her.

You deserve to be loved, but this particular scenario is extremely unhealthy. I hope you do not give up and continue to seek out help. While you obsess over the wrong woman, you could very well pass over the right one.