I feel the cycle begin again. I got the job. That little high is over now and I'm left realizing I never really wanted this job. But I needed it. I wish I could find a job that actually makes me feel good. On Thursday I have to come in early to review some things, and I don't want to because I feel so disconnected from everyone else. I go from feeling isolated to wanted to being upset when someone talks to me. From feeling humbled to feeling far too good for my role. It's made me irritable and unable to smile at the stupidest of jokes. I've already written my team off before I've even given them a chance. I'm not sure how much I can stand this but at least I have a paycheck every week to afford what I need.
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My heart is down on its knees
And no one is hearing screaming
There's always something that's pulling me down, down, down
And this is nothing new...
- Phantogram
Diagnosed Celiac Disease 2010