Honestly, I thought that after years of not cutting, I would have lost all urges. But, I have been going through much of the same and I can promise you that waking up the next morning and realizing that your wrists and legs are still smooth and unharmed is very satisfying in the sense that you conquered the insurmountable drive to just give in to the dark mental corner where we shadowbox ourselves. I am proud of you for keeping clean for so long, and I know it hurts when the people that helped us stop end up leaving. However, I can promise you that whether it's on here or in the physical world, there are better reasons than just people to stay clean. You and I may not be supermodels or geniuses but we have unique traits and I believe that you will find your special niche and run like the wind with it. Best of luck to you ! I'm sending all the good vibes your way.