My family really isn't one. I've seen it time and time again. I'm not even seen as a valid being during arguments. I'm merely referred to in a mocking voice, and they simply walk all over me. Whenever they decide that it's time for "trouble", my narc parents will simply talk and shout over me, preventing me from responding. And whatever I say is twisted into how I'm "attacking" them. Consciously, I see that I am being abused and suffering the effects. Consciously, I want to cut off ties with them and go no contact. However, there is always something stopping me. This foolish illogical sense of not wanting to give up my "home", even though it's not one. Even though, I'm purely a victim. I keep having positive memories at times, even though they are of little to no relevance to the present as I'm seen as unworthy and less than according to my "family". However, this foolhardy, stupid side of me keeps reeling me back and causes me to fall for the obvious hoovering of my narc parents. Consciously, I know I'm being hoovered. And I keep my distance for the most part. But this irrational side of me is keeping the logical side of my from ending the relationship and cutting off contact. I fear that I will be unable to escape the abuse if I'm unable to deal with this irrational side of myself, but it's too difficult. I really don't know what to do, but these abusers are tearing me down all the time. I just can't seem to break free. Why? They are horrible, horrible people but I cannot let go. Why?