I see R on skype when I'm not in London.

Today he was 4 mins late just like on tuesday.

I said if I turned up late twice I wonder what he would say about it. That it was sloppy. That he thought I would put up with anything just because I was attached.

He apologized and said that he did agree with me that it was sloppy.

I know I sound mental as it was just four minutes. I was the youngest part of me.
I couldn't talk but began to cry silently and hid my picture. I didn't talk for maybe 5 mins.

R:"It seems like you're quite prepared to spend the whole session persecuting me, maybe that will bring some relief short term"
S: "I wanted to cut the call but I didn't. It would make no difference I've already paid you."
R:So you feel like the service is not up to standard. Don't get me wrong it's not like you don't have grounds to be upset and I wonder what it would take to get you out of this position. What way can I satisfy you now?
S: Leave me.Just like you said maybe you were being naive maybe the risk to you is greater than you acknowledged. I think you should save yourself.
R: You believe that this incident/event of me being 4 mins late is something risky.
S: No.
R: Well lets put it another way. It sounds like you're threatening me.
S: I'm threatening you?
R: That I better watch out.If I treat you this way then harm may come.
S:Yeah you'll get a petrol bomb because i'm f*****g psycho. Anyway those were your words not mine.
R:Whose on trial here?
S: No one.
R: It seems like I'm the one on trial. You say these things "those are your words" make it sound like i'm being judged.
S: okay.
R: What purpose is being gained by being logged on yet not engaged?
S: Okay blame everything on me.
R: I can't see you and I can barely hear you.
S:I don't want to be seen.
R: Tell me how you're feeling.
S: I'm sad.
R: Go on.
S: I'm always sad.
R: Your disappointed in me. That I've let you down. And this doesn't seem like something you can forgive.
S: more crying now.
R: You asked for an extra session S and this is how you're going to pit it out?
S: Yeah okay.
R: Ambivalence. You want more then when you get it you can't engage.
S: Okay blame it on me.
R: Well it seems like you're very stuck on this idea of blame,someone must be held responsible, accountable. Seems like losing the battle one of us has to be the persecuted one. It's not going to be you.Therefore it must be me.

S: More crying then I cut the call at 25.24. Half the session.

I wanted him to call me back but he didn't. So I've lost £20 and need to get back to card 36: diseases of the viens: Phlebothrombosis, thrombophlebitis,phlebectasia and varices.