Vibrating Obsidian,

Let me pose a question. How is it that you want people to support you? One way would be to overlook what appears to be some distorted thinking on your part, and, in fact, indulge in this distorted thinking with you to help you further entrench you in a belief system that is only causing you pain.

The other way I see is to try and give you perspective on some distorted thinking you are presenting to us, so that you can grow, not repeat the same mistakes or patterns with women and relationships and find happiness.

The first way will feel validating and gratifying in the present, but will only encourage you to repeat current patterns. It is basically predicated on the idea that all of your problems are to be blamed on external factors - whether they are the fault of other people or situations.

The second way will be uncomfortable but it will help you be the person you want to be and have the relationship you want. And it will require that you look inward.

I feel you are seeing her through a very black and white lens. You put her on a pedestal as some kind of goddess in one minute and when she fails to meet your ideal, then she is a demon. To me, it seems like you objectify her as an ideal, instead of knowing her as herself, accepting her thoughts and actions for what they are, but instead trying to attribute what you want her to be instead of what she is. For example, you say that

You acknowledge that she is cold, yet you insist she was trying to reach out to you. What exactly was she doing to reach out to you?

Rejection hurts, and rejection after rejection hurts worse. You are young though and you will grow and learn, and meet a woman who is worthy of your love and idolatry.

Do you see a therapist? I think a therapist is the only person who is going to be able to help you, as they will be able to see the whole picture, which we cannot see as we only catch fragments in one post to another.

Seesaw