Well my cannabis quit is pretty much out the window for now, but unlike previous times I take a good dose of an antipsychotic every day (Rexulti 2 mg). Hopefully this is enough to keep me out of a paranoid psychosis. I am in constant daily pain with my shoulder and the cannabis helps. I got a massage on Tuesday and that also helped. Am scheduled for another one next week.

I am very unhappy with my son these days. Every day is the same and I hate our morning interactions. He doesn't set his alarm and will sleep till the afternoon unless I wake him up. I go upstairs several times, he says come back in half an hour, then goes back to sleep after I am upstairs for the third time. Finally around 10 am he comes down for coffee and breakfast. I oshow him some wonderful job ads I found on linkedin. Instead of applying he goes to take a bath with his phone for hours. It is almost noon and he is still in the bathroom. Maybe by 1 pm or 2 pm he will come down stairs. Then we will go out for lunch. Then we will come home and instead of applying for jobs he will play video games. Maybe by 3 or 4 pm he will apply for a handful of jobs. Altogether he works maybe a o everyday and he thinks this is ok. If I tell him I am unhappy and this is an unhealthy way to live he just gets angry with me and says I am guilt tripping him.

I talked with my psychiatrist at length about kicking him out. he seems to do just the absolute minimum each day to prevent that so each morning I wake up with hope that today will be a better day but it is only that everday is absolutely the same. Things are not getting worse but they are not getting better. I get no positive feedback from him for all my efforts to help.

Now he is downstairs starting to eat lunch, just some reheated chilli. He's yelling at me saying "you are blaming me for your actions" "you know that it makes things worse when you say things like this". "why are you saying these things to me?"

I told him I feel trapped and nothing I do or don't do will make any difference.
He says the reason he doesn't apply for jobs is that he has an anxiety disorder and the reason he has this disorder is that I "f**ked" him up with guilt based parenting style and that 'everything you say just makes things worse'. He implies that I want to make things worse on purpose.

I don't know what to say. I'm so unhappy with this situation. Every time I find a job that looks interesting and he seems qualified for I get excited and hope he will apply. But then he just doesn't do it. Maybe at the end of the day after yelling for hours he will or maybe he won't. There is nothing I can do. I feel trapped.

If anyone has any insight into this situation, I look forward to your comments. I am just so unhappy right now. Sorry for the wall of text.