Thanks for sharing your pain here on PC. That's a lot of what we're all here for. So please don't feel badly about doing so.

I have no expertise with regard to any of this. So anything I say is just my personal opinion. However to answer your first question I would say that... no... it's not wrong for you to not want to be around your brother... or your parents either at least from my perspective. They all did you great harm. And, at least from my perspective, I think it would be odd if you did want to keep going back. But, then, that's just me...

As far as your dreams go, I can't say to what extent what you are experiencing is "normal" or not normal. But one concept I have picked up, from reading about the findings of current research into the workings of the human brain, is that a lot more of who we are & what we do is controlled by areas of the brain to which we have no conscious access than we would typically imagine. So from that perspective perhaps one way to view your dreams is as being sort-of like messages of distress from non-conscious areas of your brain.

As far as the arousal aspect of this goes, I would like to simply suggest that how we think, or imagine, we should be, & how our bodies actually function physiologically, are often two different things. You mentioned that, at the time this trauma occurred, your parents would not allow you to see a therapist. If you're not seeing one now, I would like to suggest this might be an excellent idea, if you can.

Family therapist, Kati Morton, has a video on her YouTube channel on the subject of how to recover from sexual abuse & how long it takes. Here's a link to that video:



Also there is another therapist by the name of Peggy Oliveira who uploads videos, on the subject of sexual abuse, onto her YouTube channel. Here's a link to Peggy's YouTube channel:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiz...zNRdCN2NMyiUXA

Lastly, here are links to some articles, from PsychCentral's archives, on the subject of healing from sexual abuse. Hopefully some of the information in them can be of some help too:

https://psychcentral.com/lib/7-ways-...use-survivors/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/savvy...g-from-trauma/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/sex-abuse/

My best wishes to you...