I'm sorry you find yourself to be in this most difficult state. From what you wrote, it does sound as though you are struggling with a lot of depression & perhaps quite a bit of anxiety as well. These are things that have certainly been familiar to me over the years.

I wish I knew what to suggest here. I presume you've checked into the possibility of any free or income-adjusted mental health services that may be available where you live. I'm afraid there aren't any "quick fixes" for this sort of thing... at least not that I am aware of. Perhaps other members, here on PC, may have some suggestions. Here are links to some articles, from PsychCentral's archives, on the subject of how to heal from depression. Hopefully some of the suggestions in these articles can be of some help:

https://psychcentral.com/lib/where-t...or-depression/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/6-step...ng-depression/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/strateg...ng-depression/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/depress...tive-thoughts/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/3-ways...ough-exercise/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/10-thi...at-depression/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/9-ways...ve-depression/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/9-step...ion-naturally/

I wish you well...