I don't know you yet, but I'd like to.

It is part of the nature of the cycle to make you feel sucked out farther, deeper, worser. But it will actually only carry you so far ... and the day will come (if it goes untreated) when that, not this, will be what upsets and irritates you the most about it.

You don't need to wait to see that day. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself right now. Take your Depakote and check in with your doc. Go to the psychiatrist (pdoc) that he recommended you see because you need a pdoc to monitor and manage your meds with you. If you've been on that dosage for a couple weeks and it's not working, tell them. Tell them it's not working and you need to up the level. You mentioned you just started. Wow, I was a mess those first two weeks myself, so hang in there. It WILL get better ... and take care of yourself. Do what's right to help yourself get well. Let getting well be your mantra, your focus, your goal. Every moment you savor, every moment you cherish, every moment that seems right and good to you, tell yourself your goal is to get well because you want to live for those moments and for being 100% present in them.

Bipolar is a highly treatable disorder so long as we keep taking our meds and working with our pdocs (and tdocs if you have one). Let that knowledge light your way to hope and a future.