I am 30 years old and my life is at a stand still, been like this since last year when I got off my meds. I got much worse off the meds and lost my job back in September. I have been getting progressively worse since then. I went back on meds in December and they did not do anything for me but give me side effects and made me feel worse in different ways. I been through six meds and one hospitalization since then, been feeling worse still in many different ways. Therapy has not helped either, even though I have a new therapist. There are things I like to do when I am ok, drawing, reading, writing, spirituality, lifting weights, running, socializing, but when I am not well, none of these things help, at all. The only thing that does anything is drinking, and that is it numbs everything, it gives me a break and lets me think outside of my head. I feel normal when I drink. I really have lost all hope and i have no idea what will help me. I want to be done with meds too, but as I am lowering the dose to try and get off, I am feeling the symptoms again of anxiety, racing thoughts, paranoia, excessive fear and worry. I don't know what to do regarding medication. I have become very sensitive to meds and I get side effects and reactions to all of them.

I have no social life, I don't ever see anyone and I spend majority of my time in my room. The only person I am close with is my mom, in fact she is the reason I keep on going, I don't want to hurt her. I am trying to go out more and socialize, but I have severely low self esteem and self worth. Sometimes I feel like I am going to go crazy from the loneliness and isolation.